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Fact Sheet - Common things familes and friends do

All families have problems of some kind and have developed ways to manage them. In a family where an alcohol or other drug problem exists, all members are faced with a variety of problems. There may be constant tension in the household; disruption to family roles and functioning; unreliability and broken promises; blaming towards others.

In response to problems caused by drinking or drug use, family and friends may find they have taken on any of the following roles:

Over responsible

  • Pseudo parent role or substitute partner role;
  • Keeps everything in order, mediator, peace-maker;
  • Exhausted.

Acting out

  • Gets attention by being troublesome;
  • High risk, self destructive behavior.

Avoidant or withdrawn behavior

  • Isolate and withdraw, sometimes into a fantasy world or day dream;
    • Keep quiet about things;
  • Wellbeing suffers eg. Often unwell or ill.

People pleasing

  • Does things to get approval and to be liked by others;
    • Find it difficult to say “no”, and tend to put on a happy face;
  • Avoid conflict to keep the peace and to be liked.

Jovial behavior

  • Often very funny and amusing, especially when there is tension;
    • Often seen as immature and afraid to be too serious; Can appear nervous, highly-strung and hyperactive;
  • Can cover up their feelings by smiling.

The family as a whole may have developed the following “family rules”

  • “Don’t talk”, “Don’t feel”, & “Don’t trust”.
  • All the family members may be acting in very different ways, but on the inside much of what they are feeling is the same:  feelings of unhappiness, hurt and isolation.
  • These are common things family members do to avoid another crisis and to help themselves and the others feel safe. Roles and “identities” are usually developed early on as a way of reducing stress and regaining some sort of order in the home.

Holyoake’s education support groups provide more information on family dynamics, as well as practical tips to reduce the stress of family problems cause by drug and alcohol dependence.

In a safe and non-judgemental setting run by a professional group facilitator, you will be supported to develop new skills and practical strategies focused on reducing substance problems and creating positive changes.

Holyoake Groups do not promote a “tough love” approach, but rather support and encourage people to introduce changes they desire to make and which would be appropriate for their situation.

For more information on our family drug and alcohol education support groups, please phone: 07 3831 4094.